Ramadhan 1431 Hijrah

Today is 20th of Ramadhan 1431H. Feel like it has just shown up itself yesterday! What a time flying by! Ramadhan is a blessed month in which it is given the title of the leader of islamic months due to its barakah and tremendous uniqueness it holds. Ramadhan is called "leader of islamic months" because during this month, any act of worship will be multiplied by Allah in its rewards. During this month, the gates of Jannah will be widely opened while the gates of hell will be shut. Shaytans will be chained. Hence, during Ramadhan there is no shaytanic evil would bother us, rather it is within our soul the evil whispers would come from, if any. It is the time for our own reflection of soul. Since there is no shaytan around to bog us, where else the urge to do sins/unlawful acts if it not from our own soul? Astaghfirullah..Doing my own reflection, i feel very guilty and sinful in front of Allah..you know what i mean..

Well, our level of emaan, if we can put it into a graph, will be fluctuating. It`s like a sine/cosine wave. Our emaan can goes high up until we fear nothing but Allah, for real..and it can plunge down so much so that we feel nothing when frequenting sins..nauzdhubillah. I pasted a story of Sahabah before in previous entry about Hanzalah and his thought of being a munaafik due to his fluctuating level of emaan. But, upon listening to answer from Rasulullah, what a relief to all of us..our emaan is indeed subject to that sinusoidal behavior. If it is a constant graph (y=a), then we are no longer a human, since only malaikat (angels) adopt the behavior. However, i suppose during Ramadhan when distractions suppose to be much less, our level of emaan should rise up and hit the peak much more than during other islamic months. With our increasing in ibadah (quranic recitation, taraweeh, early fajr prayer,..and more), we should reach to the point where we feel we are getting closer to Allah, and this should be translated into hitting the peak point regularly. Think about this..(am telling myself too).

There is a hadeeth, when Rasulullah s.a.w said that " Jibrael came to me and said to me that whoever is alive during the Ramadhan, but is not granted forgiveness of sins from Allah when the Ramadhan is over, he/she will enter into hellfire when the day of akheerah comes. Rasulullah said ameen for the du`a"..mashaAllah..what a heartbreaking hadeeth. It shows that during Ramadhan, the door for forgiveness of our sins from Allah is widely opened for us. We have just to strive, and search for it by increasing our deeds, with pure heart and intention. I did cry upon remembering this hadeeth. What if we belong to the worse category? What if after Ramadhan our sins are not washed away? What a waste subhanallah..

Well..it`s last 10th day of Ramadhan today..and i don`t want to miss the chance to grab/ask forgiveness from Allah. I fear that i might not have the chance to see next Ramadhan..